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We pretend. We keep those yearnings buried inside, and only pull them out in the middle of the night or when they sneak up on us unexpectedly during afternoon daydreams. Still, we say we're fine... that we're doing what we 'want, what we should do... what we 'feel' we need to do, even if deep inside we know we're lying and will never admit it out loud. We lie, not only to ourselves but in cheatng those around us that think we are really what they wnat us to be. We 'try' to keep those that we found a new connection with at arms length, even though that rarely works if we're honest about how rare and special it is to fnd someone that we really bond with. Still we try and hope the other person will also ignore or deny that connection. We hope they will fade away or find someone else, even though we know if they do, it will make us sad.

Still those masks fool everyone, if we're determined enough to convince ourselves that everyone around us tht we're content or happy. Will it do damage to our souls? Of course it will but yet, we take that as an acceptable trade-off for not hurting anyone and keeping everyone around us happy or secure, often at the expense of our inner self. It's a risk or burden we take on for others and we can even convince ourselves we're happy... not all the time but some of the time. Never mind that in the process it might hurt someone else new in our lives. We chose family and responsibility over new choices and resign or convince ourselves that it's really what we want or have to do. We settle for half measures rather than taking a chance or changing our life. We take the safe route and tell ourselves over and over again that it's what we wnat, hoping we will start to believe it.

Those masks are becoming more and more common. Over the last week or two, I've spoken with some fellow teachers that are also good friends at work. Many have been married for over 20 years some with a first marriage, others in their 2nd marriage that are long term. The talk has been honest and matter of fact, in depth... almost emotionless other than the passion of frustration or some hurt, confusion... and at times just resignation. Do they talk to their partner or spouse this way? No, most don't for various reasons.

Either the busy day to day life drags time on, or the partner isn't receptive to any type of real honesty at this point in a relationship they themselves are 'comfortable' with and assume their spouse should be as well. Some don't because they purely just don't care anymore as long as they are left alone and can live a solitary life within the cushion of beng under the guise of a 'couple'. Some are truly actively trying to rekindle that 'spark' of marriage but know that even though their partenrs are saying the right words and what they want ot hear its not really what they are feeling underneath what is being said on the surface. They will continue to pretend put on their masks and go on presenting a 'happy' front t the world and in the middle of the night let the truth creep in that they keep under control, under wraps.

All of that said, I know some couples are truly happy and content with each other. They have a bond, that rare connection that has never wavered from when they first met... whether when they were young or a bit more mature. That same ond that some find later in life and can't or wont' act on it. I now know that true love does exist. I know that ther are some people that can be together almost without effort, the fit is so good. I never used to believe in it. I thought it was a theory that sounded nice, but in reality was something that wasn't possible... not really. That's not to say these relationships are boring or without extreme passion, they are only enhanced by so many areas of compatibility that the minor problems and differences only add spice to the entire package. Such a connection also doesnt ensure that the two people so matched will ever be together. Nothing is guaranteed.

When you meet someone new, look beyond their surface. If your'e in a long term relationship or marriage, you have to do the same thing. To become complacent or to try and convince yourself you're happy only cheats yourself and everyone around you if deep down you know differently and know you are missing someone or something vital to your existence. You're still chating your parter and your family, even if you never leave them. You lose so much of yourself. It's never easy to be brutally honest with yourself. Ultimately you have to live with yourself and if you're going to give up something or someone that could complete you, bypass a second chance that might be hard to make happen but will nonethless give true depth and happines to your life... then you also need to realize that the ones in your life WILL know it.

They may never say a word, but they will know that part of you is missing or elsewhere... a part of your heart, thoughts or soul belongs in another place, even if you never waiver or leave. They will know. There are the rare times though, when you do find a genuine connection. You learn a person inside out. You both open up honestly and completely you let another person in, even to the aras of your life or personality that aren't as easy to love... yet the other person accepts and loves you completely anyway. There's no guarantee even then that everything will work out to be happily ever after... but it does at times and you can't know if you don't try. If you don't try, there will always be a 'what if' rolling through your thoughts.

So, learn to look beyond the mask. Take a long time to get to know someone, the real someone. If there is something there of value, of worth... it will nt fade with time, but only grow deeper, there is no rush. Take care and watch your heart, don't give it easily, but at the same time, don't close it to possibilities because of past hurts. If someone is special to you... IF what you have is rare and something that won't be found again easily if at all, don't ever dismiss it or bury it. Dont' take it for granted. Be brave adn courageous. Be fair to yourself and your partner. Sometimes it's better and more fair to everyone to move on to something that is more suited to the adult you will make happy and they will make you happy. Really consider possibiliteis that may never come again and realize what part of yourself would be lost to throw it away or try to deny it. After any pain to leave and old life behind, good things will happen ultimately to everyone that can now move on with their lives to one more suited to them.

Always remember, you ARE a person worthy of respect, love and admiration. Never settle for anything less or hurry through the process of building a relationship. The journey should be as special as the final destination... IF it's meant to be . Don't give up easily on your dreams... believe in what your heart tells you. Cherish what you learn along the way and hold on tightly to those that are worthy of your love. Know when to give up and when to continue to fight for what is special and rare. You will know the difference. Be true to yourself. Let your light shine always. Don't ever let anyone else extinguish it.