OnPointt.com ! I How Many Partners Are Too Many? I Cashmere Episode Two

FRIDAY NIGHT

I have been going out with Phil for a month and we've have been going out pretty steady. By the way Phil is four years younger than myself and oh so fine! Tonight was Friday, around 7pm and I was preparing for another fabulous date with him. Phil, 27 works as a computer tech for the bank and he lives alone of Providence Road. Our last four dates were great! We went out to the movies, dinner and we even took our first road trip to the Gaffney Outlet Mall in South Carolina to do some serious shopping last weekend. Through it all we shared kisses, some feel ups and that is about all I am willing to do, especially getting out of a relationship with Casey. I am trying to put an end to the sexual side of it. Sure the actual title part was gone but Casey managed to come to Charlotte to maintenance me and when I was in New York on business, he would make it over to New York from Connecticut to proceed again. Until I get a handle on this, I could not get it on with Phil. Tonight we were going to eat at Carrabas Italian Grille. I was dressed in jeans, my high heeled open toe sandals, and a cute top that had the slits on the shoulder. Phil arrived on time looking good as always. He had on Kenneth Cole shoes, dark denims and a creme linen shirt. His baldhead was glistening, to put it bluntly he is just FINE.

As always he greeted me with a hug and then asked could he kiss me. We kissed the french way. the most sexiest way you can imagine. "Hi baby." He said to me as he released me from his strong embrace and this one seemd more pronounced. "Hi yourself, on time as always." I said walking toward the refrigerator . "Wanna beer before we go?" "Yeah, that would be cool." Phil said taking a seat at the bar. "When are you going out of town?" He said to me casually. "Sunday around 10am." I said handing him both bottles of beer so he could open them. As he handed me a bottle, he grabbed me around the waist. "Let me make love to you before you go Farra." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Woah Phil throw on the breaks, that is rushing it for me." I said taking a deep drink of beer. I was panicking, I moved out of his embrace to get some air. For some reason I felt like I was suffocating. I wasn't suppose to be feeling this way. "Well let's go to dnner." Phil responded trying to finish up his beer in one motion, dropping the subject just as quickly as he brought it up. I felt I needed to say something in this obvious uncomfortable moment. "It's not you Phil, it's me." Phil looked at me increduously then he began to speak. "Somehow that should be my line Farra, not yours."

We arrived at Carrabas on South Boulevard and it was packed! We waited twenty minutes before being seated and that was okay because the food is off the chain. When we were finally seated, to my shock we were seated close to Tamera and some guy. "Hey girl!" Tamera said as we hugged each other. "You smell good, I like that!" I said to her referring to her prefume. "It's Coco Chanel." Tamera said batting her eyes at me laughing. I grabbed for Phil's hand and began to speak again. "Phil you remember Tamera and this is....." I trailed off not knowing who this new guy was. "This is Jamal, Jamal my friend." Tamera interjected quickly. Both men shook hands and then we went to our table. Her date was fine as usual. Tamera knew how to pick the lookers. "How long has she been seeing him?" Phil said to me as the waiter approached our table. After taking our orders the waiter left and I began to speak. "I don't know, never met him before until tonight, he must be a new friend." I said sipping my water and looking over the menu. "Looks to me as if there is always someone new with her." Phil said looking at me like a disapproving parent. "Your point?" I said trying not to let my voice betray what I was feeling, PISSED OFF. I hope this wasn't going to where I thought it was going.

"I have known her a short while Farra and everytime we see her or you talk with her, it is someone new." Phil said back to me trying to make a direct point to shut me down. "Your point again?" I said and this time my whole demeanor let him know that I was PISSED at his remarks so far. "Farra her number is big, sorry but your girlfriend Tamera is out there!" Phil said as the waiter came back with our entrees. Dinner for us tonight was quieter than usual. We made conversation but I was not really feeling this whole scene. I wanted to go home. How dare he judge my friend so casually, I thought to myself. I had never mentioned Tamera sleeping with numerous men and just because Tamera dated alot didn't mean she was sleeping with all of her dates. If she was, who the hell was Phil to judge? After our meal, and three martinis, I was ready to go home. I wanted to be alone, I didn't want to be bothered. If this was New York, I would have called a cab.

As we returned to my place, Phil got out of the car. As I reached my door, I began to speak. "Thank you for dinner, have a good night." I said to him cooly. "Oh you mad now?" Phil said touching my face. "I just said what I said about ol girl." "Well you assumed too much." "Phil you can't just go around making assumptions, especially when you don't know what the hell you are talking about!" "I mean let's keep it real here!" "How big is your number Phil, wanting to make love to me and you are not even in love with me?" I said looking at Phil wondering what dumb statement would come out of his mouth this time. "You're not even like her I can tell!" Phil said to me. I cut him off right there. "What if I told you I am sleeping with a man this entire time we have been seeing each other?" I asked Phil. "I wouldn't believe you, you didn't!" Phil said to me sounding so sure of himself. "I have a good judge of character girl. If I felt your number was HIGH, I wouldn't even waste my time. Now stop being childish Farra, let me come in and we can just chill." As he flashed me that smile that always got me, I saw something that really turned me off. Thank God for intervention! "Phil, you have food between your teeth, your judgement of my friend is all off base, seems your expectations are a little TOO HIGH for me and your thoughts are just plain narrow-minded! "Have a good night!" I said as I put my key in the door and closed it behind me leaving Phil on the other side. With my back against the door, I waited for the knock. There was silence but I heard his hands slide down the door, then I heard his truck start up and he was gone. For some reason I felt a sense of release.

SATURDAY MORNING 8am
It was Saturday morning and I had received an early ring from Nicole. "Hey you up early, I thought we were meeting to eat at 1pm." I said to Nicole. "Yeah we are, just wanted to see what is up that is all." Nicole said. "Well I was going to save this for lunch but Phil and I got into it last night girl." I said turning the volume down on the television. "Wanna discuss it?" One thing I liked about Nicole is that she was not pushy in your business. As I told Nicole what went down she was laughing at how I shut Phil down. "Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that Tamera is not slow but even we don't know a specific number of men she has been with Farra. Besides, HOW MANY PARTNERS ARE TOO MANY? Nicole asked me. We talked some more and then I got off the phone with her, cut the television volume back to low and slept a little longer. How many partners are too many? I thought to myself, then I let my mind move away from all that had happened and fell back to sleep. I needed my rest because later on today it was hang out time with all my girls. We really were going to have some great fun! Drinks, music, and good talk! Now that is really hot!

SATURDAY NOON
It was noon and Nicole would be at my place in a few mintues. She decided to pick me up since she had to come this way from I-77 North. No call from Phil this morming -GOOD. It was going to be a good conversation this time for our get together because Nicole was going to bring up the partners question. I did not want Tamera even thinking this was coming from seeing her at Carrabas because it would not be cool. Nicole interrupted my thoughts when the cell phone ringed. She was calling to say she was outside of my place waiting on me. I grabbed my keys, pocketbook, shades, cell phone in hand and I headed out the door. We rolled out to Lake Wylie. This is where Valerie lives. Her home is beautiful. Monte was away on business, Valerie wanted to entertain and we accepted the invitation. As we rolled on to Lake Wylie, we were head nodding to the music, and Nicole and I talked on several things. We finally arrived, entered Val's driveway, just in awe of this beautiful house that always mesmerizes me. The design of th house is like a villa, situated right on the lake. Valerie never touched on the cost but I would say close to a million. Tamera and Freda's cars were there. It seems they had a jumpstart on us. Valerie came to the door, and invited us in. After all the heartbreak with "A", I still say Valerie had done very well for herself. Despite not being the football trophy wife, she was the wife of a man that wasn't putting her though all the lies, cheating and paternity tests, "A" had.

"Come on in you two, the food is not ready yet but the drinks are!" Valerie said hugging us both. As we made our way into the den, Freda was sitting with her drink in her lingerie and Tamera was moving to the music by the fireplace with her drink in her hand. "What's going on?" Freda said to us smiling. "Hi yall!" Tamera said "You must have stayed over." Nicole said to Freda. "You know ol scary cat cousin Val likes to play slumber party when Monte is gone." Freda said laughing. We all laughed. I HEARD THAT! Valerie said coming into the room with our drinks. As I sipped, Freda got up to leave the room. "I need to take a quick shower, I'll be back, don't start the heavy stuff without me!" She said sashaying out of the room with her drink. Valerie sat down with us and began to talk. "Tamera said she saw you out with Phil last night." "Is this serious Fara?" Valerie asked me. "I looked at her, not daring to look at Nicole and began to speak. "Nah, not yet, that is going to take some time." "Besides you need to make sure you are over Casey, so it will be a minute." Nicole said backing me up. "I think you two look good together, he seems nice." Tamera said smiling. If only she really knew what he thought of her, she wouldn't be saying that. I thought to myself. "Well I haven't heard from "A", so that eases my nerves." "Monte will be gone for a week, so that gives me free time for myself." Valerie said to us taking a sip of her drink. "Aren't you flying out of town tomorrow?" Valerie asked me. "Yeah, back to New Yortk and this is the first time I did not tell Casey." I said proudly. "I am proud of you girl!" Nicole said to me. Valerie raised her glass in approval and so did Tamera. Bouncing into the room was Freda. She was decked out in all red from head to toe. Freda loves some red. "What did I miss?" She said to us. "NOTHING!" We all said in unison and we all started laughing.

The conversation was good, the drinks were good and the food was finally ready. Valerie really did her thing for us this Saturday. Valerie cooked Blackened Salmon, Grilled Corn, String Beans with Almond Slices, and Potato Casserole. Dessert was strawberry and chocolate cheesecake. The salad she made was great, which would help cut the grease. We had beer, gin, vodka, some hennessey, and daquiris. Everyone had their drink of choice available for their pleasure. As we jammed on the deck getting our drink on and eat on, the conversation came up about what Nicole and I had discussed early this morning. "This subject of the number of partners I had came up when me and Monte was dating!" Valerie said frowning. "I threw a safe number out there to shut Monte up and "A" up too now that I am thinknig about it!" "What is a safe number?" Tamera asked Valerie looking all wide eyed. "A safe number is a FAKE NUMBER you give so you can live in harmony." Valerie said laughing. We all laughed, her words were so very true. "What did you tell them?" Tamera asked again. Valerie looked at all of us, smiled and began to speak. "I told him I had only slept with SIX MEN my entire life!" Valerie said matter of factly. We all started laughing so hard we were crying. "Hell I know six from back in the day and some more!" Freda said laughing so hard she fell on the floor of the deck. We all just laughed and laughed. "Yeah I know but I had to give up a number." Valerie said shaking her head. "Not me, I told Jerome that we have to leave the past in the past and eventually he did not ask me anymore but we took the AIDS test." Freda said laughing and we laughed right along with her. "I guess Jerome was like you don't have to answer me but we are going to take the test and we did. We were negative, happy, healthy and we got marired." Freda said laughing some more.

"I never give a number, it isn't none of their business!" Tamera said to us. "Me neither girl, I feel you on that!" Nicole said.
"I did what Valerie did, I gave up a number." I said to everyone feeling silly now. "It's the whole ego thing with men." Nicole said to us. "They try to tell you they don't care but they do care what the number is!" Tamera said to us defiantly. "If you tell them, then they want to know how big his penis is, was it good, did he do this or that." Freda said laughing and we all laughed again. "If they don't voice these thoughts, they surely think it!" Valerie said. "Don't be good in bed, oh girl, he is gonna love the thrill but he will be like how'd you learn to do that or ask for this and that!" Freda said. "Girl you right, you right, you are so right!" I said. "I had this one cat just asked me over and over and over again to give up the number." "I asked him what did it matter and he couldn't come back!" Nicole said to us. "He didn't need to come back he just need to come!" Tamera said and we all fell out laughing again. When you put us all together it was good times and laughter.

"Let's play a game of this subject!" Freda said excitedly. "We will give an average of the men we slept with but not the exact number." "Like you can say, 0-10 men, 10-20 men, 20-30 men, 30-40 men and I hope we don't have to go further." Freda said laughing. We all had the look of 'reluctant' but before we could voice our thoughts, Tamera began to speak. "I'll go first! My average is 30-40 Tamera said. We all started whistling and laughing. "Shameless!" Valerie yelled spilling her drink. "My average is 30-40 Freda said proudly." "My average is 20-30 men Valerie said. We all laughed. "You've been doing some double duty girl!" Freda said. Nicole stood up and yelled, MY AVERAGE IS 30-40!" We all gave high fives and tripped out on each other. I stood up and closed my eyes. "My average is 20-30." Telling on ourselves wasn't as bad as we had imagined. It was SEXATHERAPY! It was FREEING....to open up to each other.

"No one can judge you and your sexual escapades but God and don't let them make you feel bad about it either!" Valerie said eating a slice of cheesecake. "You don't feel bad about or give it any thought until someone confronts you on it." Tamera said to us. "True, but I would use another word than bad." I said to everyone. "Yeah you are right, maybe a little guilty." Tamera said. The room had become subdued. "Then that all goes away, because you did it, I did it, you enjoyed doing it, I enjoyed doing it, and that is that!" Freda said. We all laughed again, thank goodness for our wild child Freda. "Men don't seem to have a problem with the number of women they sleep with, so we shouldn't have one either." I said to everyone thinking about Phil's crazy mindset. "It's all about the double standard and this is why I just keep my numbers to myself." Nicole said to us. It seems we all were on the same level today at this point in our lives on telling the truth about your acutal number of sexual partners. Some things are better left UNSAID. Less drama, Less drama, Less drama.

"How was the visit when Jerome came?" I said to Freda moving on to another subject. "It was nice, really nice this time." Usually it is the same ol thing, cook him his favorite dishes, give him all the sex he wants, go out to eat, visit with his mom in Virginia for a week, give me some money to build the accounts up and go back across seas. This has been going on for two years, since I don't tour with him anymore but this time it was truly nice." Freda said smiling. She spoke some more, the drinks were really kicking in for all of us. "He was very romantic with me. We made love, Jerome held me, told me how much he loves me and he wants to start a family when he get's out of the service in January. He asked me did I want to trade up for a new car while he was home, I told him no , I want a house." Freda said to us. We felt her. "Then out of nowhere, he told me the military life has not been the best for our marriage but he would make up for it as long as I would try with him. Right then, it was obvious that he knows something is up with me and I know something is up with him." Freda said to us as we listened intently. "We don't bring it up, but we know something is going on with each other. Jerome is well endowed girls, he is a woman's fantasy. He's dark chocolate, good at sex, and he just loves sex. I know someone is enjoying my husband." "So what has this visit taught you?" Valerie said to Freda. "I've got some serious thinking to do, because I love my husband and I care for Dave." "Well you do that, think hard!" Valerie said fixing another drink. "Well do what you need to do!" I told Freda. "Yeah, no doubt!" She said to me. I winked at her and we squeezed each others hand. She was being honest and I totally respect the honesty. This was a very good day.

FARRA'S COMMENTS:
As we moved on to other subjects, I thought about several things. Your standards are your standards for how you conduct your sexual experiences. This does not make you a label, no matter how much people want to put labels on your lifestyle. Here we are five beautiful, educated Black Women with good lives, and all of us have slept with over twenty men. None of us are saying we are saints, but we are at a good place within ourselves with the amount of partners we have had. None of us are keeping any secrets that could lead to the spread of AIDS or STD'S. It is a known fact that some men will trip out at whatever their woman's 'NUMBERS' are. It is really your judgement call to tell your man how many men you have slept with before him.

Some men will bring up the numbers when you get into a heated argument, when they are caught cheating, jealous or in a moment that hits them to throw it up in your face. You really don't need this bs in your life when relationships brings other bs. Not all men or like this but it's safe to simply keep your mouth shut. Part of me misses Phil because I really do like him. For principle, sometimes you have to move on, just cut your losses. I could never be the person he wanted me to be. I would have to play the game of innocence and honestly I was not in the mood for that! I was past the game playing and was not about to result to going backwards in life for the sake of companionship. Would he do it for me. I think not. There are too many things to worry about than living up to someone's unrealistic expectations of you. Like Monte', "A", Casey, Jerome and all the other men that are in our lives, they accpeted the answers they were given, without question. It's like "Any number will do baby as long as you give up the number." So...How Many Partners Are Too Many? You decide to answer this question the way you think is best. At this age, it would be simple for me: Nonyah Business! LIVE FOR THE PRESENT, DEAL WITH THE PRESENT.

This is Farra Hart saying , Peace, Love And Always Cashmere!